Does He Love Me? - Part 1B: What Does God Mean By Love?

In the previous article, we discovered that the question, "Does he love me?" often carries far more weight than it was ever meant to bear. Before we can discern whether someone is truly loving us, we first need to understand something even more fundamental.

What does God mean when He calls us to love?

The word love is one of the most beautiful words in our language. It is also one of the most misunderstood.

We use the same word to describe our love for God, our spouse, our children, our closest friends, our favorite meal, and even our favorite sports team. It is no wonder, then, that we sometimes struggle to know what we really mean when we ask, "Does he love me?"

Betrayal only deepens that confusion.

When someone repeatedly says, "I love you," while also engaging in deception, secrecy, or behaviors that cause profound harm, it becomes difficult to know what love actually means. We begin to wonder whether love is simply a feeling, an intention, a commitment, a choice, or something else entirely.

Many betrayed wives find themselves asking questions they never imagined they would have to ask.

"Can someone love me and still keep hurting me?"

"If he says he loves me, why doesn't his behavior reflect it?"

"How do I know if what I'm experiencing is love at all?"

These are not merely philosophical questions. They are deeply personal questions that arise from the disorienting experience of betrayal.

If we hope to discern them wisely, we need a clearer understanding of what God means when He calls us to love.

The New Testament was written in Greek, a language that distinguishes several different kinds of love where English simply uses one word. Each reveals something beautiful about the relationships God created.

Storge describes the natural affection that exists within a family. It is the quiet comfort of belonging, the tenderness between parents and children, and the familiar love that grows through years of living life together.

Philia is the love of friendship. It grows through trust, loyalty, shared experiences, and mutual delight in another person. Jesus uses this kind of love when He tells His disciples that He no longer calls them servants but friends.

Eros is the love between husband and wife. Properly ordered, it is far more than romantic attraction or physical desire. It is the joyful longing to give oneself completely to another within the covenant of marriage. It celebrates intimacy because intimacy itself reflects God's design for total self-gift.

Each of these forms of love reflects something true and beautiful about the human person. They remind us that we were created for relationship—with our families, our friends, our spouse, and ultimately with God Himself.

Yet the highest expression of love revealed in Scripture is agape.

Agape is the love that most clearly reveals the heart of God.

Unlike the other forms of love, agape is not dependent upon feelings, attraction, or even the response of the other person. It is the freely chosen commitment to seek another person's authentic good.

St. Thomas Aquinas captured this beautifully when he defined love as "to will the good of the other." This simple definition has guided Christian thinking for centuries because it reminds us that love is not primarily measured by emotion but by a genuine commitment to seek another person's authentic good.

This kind of love gives rather than grasps. It serves rather than uses. It sacrifices rather than manipulates. It remains faithful to what is good even when doing so is costly.

This is the love we encounter most perfectly in Jesus Christ.

When Christ stretched out His arms upon the Cross, He was not responding to human worthiness. He was revealing the very nature of divine love. He willingly entered into suffering so that we might be reconciled to the Father. His sacrifice was never sentimental. It was purposeful. It was always ordered toward our authentic good.

Everything Jesus did flowed from that same love. He spoke the truth, even when it was difficult to hear. He protected the vulnerable. He confronted sin without condemning the sinner. He extended mercy without abandoning truth. He never manipulated. He never deceived. He never exploited another person's love for His own benefit. Even when His love required tremendous sacrifice, it was never destructive. It always moved people toward greater freedom, greater dignity, and deeper communion with God.

This is what makes Christ's love so radically different from the counterfeit forms of love we so often encounter after betrayal.

An unfaithful spouse may sincerely say, "I love you," while continuing behaviors that create confusion, deception, fear, instability, or harm.

Christ never does that.

His love is always truthful. His love is always trustworthy. His love is always ordered toward our authentic good. Authentic love never asks us to embrace deception, participate in manipulation, or call evil good.

This is why Jesus is not only our Savior. He is also the clearest revelation of what authentic love looks like.

If we want to discern whether we are being loved well, we begin by looking to Him.

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Next in the Series

Part 1C: Discerning Authentic Love

➡️ Continue Reading (Coming soon!)

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