Avoiding Unqualified Advice
It was the first book I picked up after catching Chris viewing pornography in the early days of our marriage. I was heartened to know Chris struggled with something "every man" struggled with. What a relief that he could conquer this "bad habit" in a matter of weeks! More than anything, I now knew what he was dealing with wasn't as serious as it could be because he didn't meet the criteria for sex addiction as defined by the (unqualified) authors.
I could not have been more misled. The well-meaning authors pointed me in the wrong direction from the start, and, looking back, I can see how Every Man's Battle and Every Heart Restored sabotaged my early attempts to understand my situation and get the help I needed.
Dear friends, mentors, and even counselors gave me copious amounts of advice, too. All of these wonderful, well-intentioned people had my best interest at heart:
- "Make sure to wear sexy lingerie and always be available."
- "Since he told you about it when you were dating, his honesty proves he is safe."
- "I guess you are still attractive enough to be a distraction from his porn."
Today is my 17th anniversary. Having the resources I have now back then would have saved me untold pain and suffering over the course 11 years. I had to learn the hard way that good intentions do not necessarily mean wisdom, experiences do not equal education, and titles cannot always denote qualifications.
Make sure to check out my resources page for books, CSATs, and media that stand up to the science of Sex Addiction and Betrayal Trauma.
Below are some resources about common but dangerous ideas around Sex Addiction and Betrayal Trauma found in Every Man's Battle:
- Does Every Man's Battle Enable Abuse?
- Every Heart Restored Page Linked Review
- Why Every Man’s Battle Backfires: We Should Expect Men Not to Lust
You deserve qualified help, and that help is out there! Make sure to contact me if you would like someone to walk with you as you try to find it.